


The Ways Of Speaking

by somanyfeels



Series: Patrochilles Prompts [2]
Category: The Iliad - Homer, The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Deaf Character, Established Relationship, Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, Patroclus feels, Sign Language, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 18:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somanyfeels/pseuds/somanyfeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patroclus had a soulmate, their first words printed on his chest in small lettering.  The Universe didn't care if he was capable of hearing them say it or not, Patroclus was constantly curious about the sound they made when spoken.  But mostly he was concerned with the fact that when Achilles first spoke to him, his lips moved and formed words that were not his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ways Of Speaking

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: 'Soulmate Tattoo Au' & 'Deaf Patroclus, Hearing Achilles, Established Relationship'

Patroclus should have really seen it coming from the beginning.  There was no way Achilles was his soulmate, perfect Achilles who smiled every time Patroclus walked into the room and rushed forward to take him into his arms.  It didn’t matter if he would give anything to wake up in the morning and see that beautiful mess of blond curls and feel the loving arms around him.  He would walk to the ends of the Earth and die a thousand deaths if it meant that the two of them could just be happy together.  It was selfish, and he knew it wouldn’t happen.

Achilles wasn’t his, that was the simple truth of the matter.  The universe didn’t care if Patroclus’s first words to him had been tattooed onto his body, what was important was that Patroclus didn’t have Achilles words.

“What’s your name?” That had been the first thing Achilles had said to him, his lips forming the words slowly, giving Patroclus enough time to decipher it.

The words on his chest did not match up to what Achilles had said.  Everyone knew that your soulmate’s first words to you were tattooed onto your skin, permanent and meaningful.  Achilles had asked Patroclus for his name and even though he couldn’t hear it, it was still Achilles’ first words.  That’s what everyone had told him, that even though he was born deaf, a disappointment to his family and a difficulty to his friends, that someone would still tell him his words and love him forever.  

Whoever Achilles’ soulmate was, and when they finally came in to take his love away from him, Patroclus would at least have the knowledge that his name was curled around the heel of Achilles’ foot.   _Patroclus_  in a shaky font, the only thing about him that would be permanent in Achilles’ life, because when whoever it was came along to take him away Patroclus was sure he would be left behind.

“You worry too much.” Briseis said to him, her hands moving in front of her.  Of all the people Patroclus had ever known, she was the only one of his hearing friends to speak to him in sign language.  “Why would people say your name to him?”

Patroclus sighed. “Happens more often than you would think.”  He said. Achilles never wore shoes, always felt more comfortable going barefoot, and people either saw his name and said it to Achilles or uttered it in surprise when they found out this perfect man was dating him.

It was happening now, Deidameia had been lurking about for some time, following them around the city with a clever smirk, and finally she had walked up to him, gave a general nod in Patroclus’s direction, and said his name.  Patroclus could recognize his name on her lips, the shape of the syllables rushed out as it usually was when people wanted to get it out of the way.  He wondered what it sounded like and if he cursed Achilles with a horrendous word tattooed onto his heel.

There was another fear, lodged deep in his chest, that Achilles would turn away his soulmate because of some misplaced obligation to him.  He was good, Achilles was so good and so sweet that he would probably do just that.  They loved each other, they may not have been meant to be, but Achilles had told him and Patroclus had memorized the way his mouth formed the words.  Patroclus would cut his heart out of his chest and offer it to the gods if it would prove to Achilles how much he loved him.  It would surely kill him, when the soulmate came to separate them.

~~~

Patroclus thought that Achilles leaving would be the worst thing that could happen, but no.  This was the worst, this was terrible, this feeling that was crawling its way out of his chest, tearing his heart out with it. He had thought that when Achilles found his soulmate he would leave him behind and start his life, or stay due to a misguided feeling of love or obligation.  He did not expect to be left to wait at home while Achilles was off with his new lover without explanation.

Achilles said he was going out with Ajax to train.  It was a lie, Ajax was at the coffee shop across the street.  Achilles was not with him.  A quick text, a hope that he was imagining things worse than they were, and Achilles didn’t reply.  Which was an anomaly, Achilles used to stop the whole world to text him back.

It was just the inevitable. Patroclus knew he wasn’t the perfect choice; that he wouldn’t be able to hear Achilles as his fingers danced on his lyre or when he tilted his head back to sing.  Briseis had tried to describe the sound to him once, soft, like birds in the morning when the sky was clear and the sunrise danced across the horizon. An odd explanation, but the words always seemed perfect.  And Patroclus couldn’t hear it.

Being born deaf, his speech was always off as well.  He didn’t know how, his father had paid thousands for speech lessons and training, trying to make his son less of a disappointment.  Yet Patroclus could always see the surprise and discomfort in those who heard him speak for the first time.  It wasn’t unlikely that Achilles had grown sick of it.

Or maybe it was just himself as a whole, his gangly limbs and unruly hair, his dark eyes and his stature. He was too tall, too thin, and too unattractive.  Achilles could do better, everyone knew it, and now that he had his soulmate there was nothing stopping him from realizing that.  Patroclus had only wished that Achilles would tell him before running off and starting a relationship with whoever it was.  He could imagine them if he wanted to, beautiful, kind, perfect in every way, just the kind of person Achilles deserved.  He couldn’t even be angry with them, he had no right.

A hand landed on his shoulder gently, followed by the soft press of Achilles’ lips on his face.  He came back, not that Patroclus doubted that he would.  It was the easier thing to find your soulmate and then runaway without having to explain things to the boyfriend you left at home, but it wasn’t proper.  Achilles was too good to do something like that.

“I missed you.” Achilles said, his mouth moving slowly as he said the words as clearly as he could for Patroclus to decipher.

“I missed you too.” Patroclus said.  He curled his hands into Achilles’ shirt, expecting him to disappear.  It wouldn’t do him any good.  “So… where were you today?”

Achilles hesitated, the edges of his smile stiffening.  “I was with Ajax.  We were training.”  He said. Patroclus wondered if he could catch the lie if he could hear the tone of his voice.  If he did, it would probably destroy him.  “I brought home the bagels from that bakery you like.”

A gift, probably brought from guilt.  Cheating was cheating, regardless of whether he found his true soulmate or not.  And he expected Patroclus to just stand by and accept it because he brought him these thoughtful little gifts.  He was partially right.  Patroclus wouldn’t say a thing, content in having the leftovers of Achilles’ love then none at all.  He was being bitter, but he was there first and he loved him so thoroughly that even if it felt as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest, he wouldn’t say anything.

~~~

“You are ridiculous.” Briseis said, always turning so that no matter where Patroclus looked he could still see her hands.  “He lied, that doesn’t mean he found his soulmate.”

Patroclus didn’t answer. He didn’t do anything.  Maybe he would have if he had felt much of anything anymore.  It had happened again, Achilles had left the day before, claiming to go out shopping only to come home with nothing but the smell of flowery perfume on his hands. Patroclus had caught the scent easily when Achilles cupped his face and pulled him in for a kiss.  If Patroclus still had the energy to pretend, it would feel as loving and passionate as all the other ones.

“Look at what you’re doing to yourself.  You’re wonderful and you’re disappearing.”  Briseis’s hands were moving rapidly, turning accurately and precisely to get her meaning across.  If Patroclus was ever lost, unable to translate what she was saying, then she spoke her words as she went.  His father had wanted him to communicate verbally with people, not to learn sign language. Things were still lost to him sometimes. “He loves you.  Talk to him.”  Briseis said. She kept stepping in front of him to speak.  Patroclus shook his head.  “If you don’t, I will.”

“Go ahead.”

Patroclus closed the door of their bedroom, fleeing the confrontation and the pain in his chest. He could feel it, the indifference, the pretend love, his whole life trying to get a small bit of acceptance from his father or attention from his mother and then Achilles became his whole world and now he was getting ready to leave too.

His hand came up to his chest, where his words were written in small, muted print.  He curled his fingers over the shirt and sobbed.  It wasn’t what Achilles had said to him when they first met, Achilles wasn’t his soulmate.  It was as simple as that.  Patroclus wasn’t lucky enough to have someone like him for the rest of his life.  He had been foolish to think otherwise.

He tapped his fingers over his words, shame and comfort washing over him as he thought about his soulmate.  He had been an idiot, stupid in thinking that they could stay together when the universe demanded that they be with other people.  It didn’t change the fact that Patroclus loved Achilles, loved him so much that it felt like losing him would surely kill him.

A hand gentle landed on his shoulder.  Achilles always touched so softly to let Patroclus know he was there.  He looked concerned, the corners of his mouth turned down on the ends, his eyebrows furrowed, and the curls of his light hair falling over his forehead.  He was beautiful and once again Patroclus was pained to know that they were soon going to separate.

“What’s wrong?” Achilles said, his lips moving silently.

Patroclus shook his head and looked down.  He didn’t want to explain, he didn’t want to watch Achilles form the words and break up with him.  After the years they had shared, after the all the nights they had stayed wrapped around each other, Patroclus thought that they could beat fate and last forever. The gentle hands cupping his face tried to get him to look, to see Achilles’ mouth so he could understand what he was saying.

Then the hands pulled back, Patroclus watched them, unwilling to see what Achilles’ lips were saying.  Achilles pointed to himself slowly, letting his finger linger until he pulled his arms back to cross his arms, hands clenched into fists, over his chest.  It was happening slowly, his hands uncertain as he made the movements.  Patroclus could almost feel his heart beating against his ribs when Achilles reached out and pointed to his chest.  Under his shirt, exactly where Achilles’ finger was resting, were the small words  _I love you._

“You are an idiot.” Patroclus said, squeezing his eyes shut. Achilles’ hands were back on his face, wiping away the tears with his thumbs as they fell.  He looked at him, sobbing harder at the open, loving expression on his face.  “How?”

Achilles smiled, pulling a hand away to quickly spell  _B-R-I-S-E-I-S._   “She taught me in secret.”  He said, the movements of his lips catching Patroclus’s eye.  “I don’t know much, but I wanted to learn for you.  I’m not very good, she’s always correcting my movements, but I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to tell you until I was better.”

“But your soulmate.” Patroclus said.

Achilles shook his head and took one of Patroclus’s hands in his own, leading it down to his foot. Curling around his heal, Patroclus’s name in jagged, shaky letters.  “That’s what you said.  You’re mine.” He said, leaning forward to kiss Patroclus, his lips soft and sweet, leaning into each one of Patroclus’s movements. “I loved you since the moment I saw you, the way the light catches your eyes, how your hair bounces when you turn your head, your smile whenever you look my way.  I love you.  I have spent too many nights listening to your soft humming and smooth breathing to be anything but enthralled with you.”

Patroclus leaned forward and buried his face into his lovers shoulder, kissing the hot skin that met him. Achilles had said it, not in the way Patroclus had been expecting, but he supposed the universe and the gods still counted it as first words.  If they didn’t then it wasn’t important, Patroclus thought it counted and he was going to spend the rest of his life with the man holding him.  Achilles was saying it again, in a different way, his thumb, index finger, and pinky resting on Patroclus’s chest.  His words.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to visit my [ImaginePatrochilles Blog](http://imaginepatrochilles.tumblr.com/) for regular Patrochilles fics and prompt fills.


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